I was on a long break and even though my heart was shattering at the thought of becoming a forgotten blogger, I realized I wanted to take some time off everything. A few months back I started seeing a doctor for my social anxiety and depression that haunted me every night. It was difficult to tell the family aloud that I am seriously considering therapy and the questions that would follow got me more nervous- why, what, etc.
Nevertheless, I gave it a shot as I realized I would end up being the frog who never stepped out of the well which I definitely wasn’t.
What to expect
- Meltdowns during the session: the first couple of sessions you may find yourself crying in front of a total stranger. Sometimes that can be so embarrassing that you may not want to show your face at the clinic again. Sometimes the sessions can bring some scars from the past afresh. They may haunt you for a few days and you may feel the therapy session was a waste of time and it made things worse for you.
- The Medicines: I won’t get into the clinical stuff but I will share what I experienced. My doctor had told me in advance that during the first few days of medication, the panic attacks may worsen as the body is trying to adjust itself to the new chemical induced. It actually got worse for me but the words of the doctor kept me going. Within 5 days, I was not having panic attacks anymore but I became numb. I wouldn’t smile, I wouldn’t react to serious issues as well; basically totally NUMB. If you are a sexually active person, it may make you numb to such feelings as well. I slept most of the time which disturbed most people as NUMB+FOREVER SLEEPING can portray you as a unsocial person.
In this case don’t give a fuck and please carry on with your sleep as it is very essential for your therapy to work and do not worry about how people judge you.
- Activity: I couldn’t work out as I felt lethargic, however, I got back to being active in daily life- stepping out to get fruits, or making my own meals. I lost 10 whopping kilos to depression and I am on my journey to get them back now.
What not to expect
- Do not expect therapy to make you a person that you are not. It won’t change your opinions, lifestyle choices or anything that’s you. Some people think my therapy hasn’t worked for me as I haven’t stopped wearing weird clothes or being foul-mouthed 😀 😀 😀
But trust me no one knows the progress better than you.
- Do not expect your anxiety and depression to go away like magic. As I said it gets worse at first and then it improves. It took me three months to get back to my tidier self.
- If you think there is just one reason that’s triggering your mental illness, then you are wrong. Tiniest bits from our past, childhood, etc have the potential to cause mental illness. Also if you are on therapy due to a certain trigger and you are cured, that does not make you invincible to new triggers. Depression can hit you back again. It did hit me back again as our life is continuously evolving and changing its course and these changes can trigger different forms of mental sickness and it is absolutely fine. Do not expect life to be picture perfect post-therapy. Be open to accepting your problems, issues, and therapy.
I am coping with a lot right now. I question myself a lot and this writing helped me get a self-reflection and I hope it helps you too.
FYI: For the next couple of months, the blog will be all about beauty and skincare as I am finally going to be a bride in November. ( I am married already, I am just going to be a bride this time 😀 )